Fulfillment through Nurturing our Young

INTUITIVE NURTURING

It started when my wife Sachi and I read The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. This wonderful book described a tribe of Yequena Indians whose children were content, cooperative and when they grew up became as loving as their parents.

We emulated these Indians as best we could, with of course many compromises. We carried them in slings constantly for the first year unless they wiggled to get down. They slept with us at night, and basically had skin to skin contact for the whole 24 hours. They breast fed on demand until they weaned themselves at about four years of age.

Because they got skin rash from disposable diapers we used cotton diapers, but I became concerned with the waste of water and energy. So, reasoning that the waste from an infant is minuscule but spreads when it touched fabric, I cut a hole through the bottom of a sling, sewed a large mesh net over the hole, and under the net fixed with four snaps a pouch made from an old waterproof diaper cover.

And it worked. Fonda peed and pooped through the net, and as soon as I found a toilet I would dispose of the contents of the pouch, which I had lined with toilet paper, wash it out, and rinse the net, and either dried it with a paper towel or put it under the hand electric dryer.

That worked very well until she got a bit bigger, and would change positions a lot more. So I found a little inflatable portable potty made for use while traveling in a car. This had a disposable bag inside and was the utmost in convenience. When we had to use a car which was seldom (babies and small kids don't take to well in cars), we would transfer the portable potty to the child's car seat, and she would perch on it quite happily -- diaper free.

Of course I thought that I would be considered a hero and a potential Nobel Prize winner. Not so. I took it to the stores that were selling baby products, and the buyer peeked into the sling, and shrieked, "She's naked!" Well of course! So Sachi sewed a little loincloth to cover her front and back, and back I went to the stores, mom and baby meetings, La Leche league, etc. And again, "Oh no, she's not wearing clothes!"

I tried to explain that infants have a self regulating mechanism that raises their temperature when it is cold and lowers it when hot. That is, as long as you never put clothes on them. ( Some research has been done which which I found most interesting, and my own experiences with our daughters confirmed this.) That a lot of babies are fussy because they are to constricted and hot because parents are have not been educated about how little babies need in the way of clothes. No go. No one was interested. But our kids had access to every part of their body, and didn't have to lay down in their wastes at all.

Feeding

Regarding burping: No need to sling them over your shoulder to burp them if they are content, and mum is relaxed when feeding them. Emotionally relaxed that is. Most cultures that carry their babies and feed them while working do not find it necessary to burp them. Neither do they experience teething pain, or the terrible two's. Nor did we, mainly because when Fonda first reached for a big, juicy chicken leg on my plate I let her take it. Up to then she had only been breast fed, nothing else except water. No juices etc.; they don't need the sugar. Let them gnaw on whole fruit, then they get the fiber and not the concentrated sugar from squeezed juice.

Looking at Fonda gnawing I realized that her teeth were probably coming through and she was doing what an infant does best, instinctively going for it. All she got was of course the juices that trickled in her mouth, but the gnawing seemed to satisfy her. The next meal time we all took our clothes off, and I spread newspapers down on the floor.

I served her a hefty portion of everything that we were eating, on the biggest plate I could find. She started plowing in to it, great handfuls went everywhere! Fonda smeared it on herself with great glee and gusto. Then it was our turn! It was quite fun to break the rules in this way, and not at all unpleasant.

We, however, didn't smear back, but smiled at her obvious enjoyment, and continued to eat as best we could. When we had finished, Sachi gathered her up and showered with her in the net sling. It's easy to hold a squirming infant in a net sling. I gathered up the newspapers and joined them. We did this for every meal, until the fourth day when, in the middle of her smearing, Fonda stopped and watched us quietly putting all this warm squishing stuff in our mouths. We could almost hear her thinking. "Well they don't seem to mind me doing this, but they aren't doing the same as me, and they seem to get much enjoyment from putting this squishy stuff in their mouths. I am going to try that." With that she started pushing the food into her mouth, mouthing and squinching the big pieces until they were mashed up enough to be swallowed. Of course we watched her carefully to see that she didn't choke on a unchewable piece. She didn't, and from then on, no more throwing food.

What was really wonderful was an infant that would basically sit quietly and very earnestly eat just about every food group -- including veggies! She grew up to have immaculate table manners, which was not our goal but used to amaze other parents who were frantically trying to entice their young to eat at least something while squirming in their high chairs. (Which, by the way, was because we found it easier to sit on the floor, Hawaiian style, we never used at home). At other parent's homes or restaurants Fonda used to make a beeline for a highchair whenever a child was lifted down! This was a great novelty to her. When parents used to ask me how we trained her to eat like this, I used to answer with a straight face, "We beat her regularly!" (We knew they would be shocked if they knew what we had actually done.)